I say that very wistfully, because new plumbing is far from my reality. I live in a house built in 1890, and if that wasn’t enough and to show you how truly smart I am, this is the second old house I’ve owned, the first one being built in … wait for it … 1890!
I fantasize about modern plumbing the way most men lust after classic Shelby Mustangs, vintage Chris Craft runabouts or well, you know, the stuff that men fantasize about. I have dreams of pipes that aren’t rusting or leaking, fittings that actually fit and faucets that don’t carry out a slow form of water torture in the middle of the night …drip…drip…drip.
Wine and Scotch improve with age.
Antique furniture can acquire a patina.
Classic cars become more valuable with each passing year.
But plumbing just gets old!!!! (I really wanted to add more explanation points)
While modern houses have PVC pipes where the PVC stands for “Polyvinyl chloride”, mine has PVC pipes where the PVC stands for “Pipes Very Crappy”. The composition of the pipes in my house represent the periodic table of decaying elements.
Anyone who has undertaken a DIY plumbing project, knows that it will require at least 3 trips to the hardware store. It’s as much a law of nature as the law of gravity and how many times have you beaten that?
You know you are in trouble when …
Most DIY plumbing projects in old or new houses require that you bust your knuckles, contort yourself into assorted pretzel shapes reaching under sinks and cabinets, expand your vocabulary in ways that would make a sailor blush and generally test your resolve.
But you know you’re in trouble when… after hours of knuckle busting, spine twisting, vocabulary expanding efforts to remove an old fitting in an even older house, you are able to finally extract it and then take it to the hardware store, present your offering to the plumbing guy only to have him scratch his head and say, “Gee, I’ve never seen one of those before!”
I’d love to write more but I’ve got to make one more trip to the hardware store before they close.